Enjoy Don every week right here, or over on his daily blog BigPumpin
You would think “pump paintball” is just when a player happens to be using a pump action marker instead of a semi right? Well then why do they call it “pump paintball”? When a person plays paintball with an Eclipse markers, nobody calls it “circuit board controlled solenoid operated electropneumatic ram paintball”, no its just regular paintball, played with an Ego.
I mean you could make some assumptions as to their playing style, knowing an ego was being used… my guess would be (begin run-on section)- They are on an x-ball field, pushing their gun into the bunker like a criminal trying to get a key imprint on a block of clay, often inadvertently shooting said bunker as they excitedly gyrate two fingers against the trigger in the effort to activate whatever cheating program infests the marker’s tiny computer before the gun even clears the bunker & has any chance of hitting an opponent they know the exact position of because his coordinates are yelled to them by a sideline “coach” who is strangely NOT cheating by doing this. Once this hailstorm of paint begins, the scattered “cone of uncertainty” tracer fire will be used to guide the shooter’s chicken wing braced gun back to somewhere near the target from the initial impact zone some 80 feet or so from the intended victim, who of course by now has ducked back in having been alerted to the incoming fire by the deluge of paint falling in the grass off to his right, as well as the older gent screaming his bunker’s position into a pink megaphone just off the field. Then, with a burst of PCP induced strength, the pre-teen pro-in-training will rush his enemy while selflessly ignoring the many painful hits he receives on the way, vanquishing this foe with a meager 20 to 30 balls spread judiciously over his back & head region, only to immediately begin a violent argument as to who has the most hits… or the more painful ones… or who the ref SHOULD have seen cheat first… or… well really its hard to tell what the argument will be about, but it will be something. But that’s not some different kind of paintball, its not “ego” paintball or something… that’s just regular paintball but played stupidly, pump is different.
Pump paintball is (begin metaphor section) a separate breed from other paintball animals… like if tournament ball is a thoroughbred & woodsball might be a mule, then pump paintball would be a zebra, cause it CAN have relations with those other similar species but the product will be a sterile mutant. Or say rec play is kickball, scenario would be college hoops, then think of pump play as cricket… or maybe water polo I’m not sure, I just know it’s a little eccentric & looks down it’s nose slightly at the others. And if the whole sport of paintball was a Chinese buffet, big games would be General Tso’s chicken (mainly since there’s a general in there for no reason what so ever & it’s authentically Chinese about as much as the scenarioist’s silly hand signals are right from the delta force handbook). The top tournaments are obviously sweet & sour pork (cause it’s sweet playing big tourneys, but getting killed every time out, as most teams do, can sour you on the game & because, like deep fried pork, too much of it is bad for your colon).
Then there is the egg foo young of paintball… pump. It’s a stick-to-your-ribs kid of game, with no need of miniature corn cobs or shinny red sauce to make it palatable. It’s authentic, its classic, it takes you back to better days. It requires skill to prepare, a hearty man sized appetite to enjoy, and a minimalist’s attitude to truly appreciate. Pump play is the heart & soul of paintball, even if paintball thinks it has left pump behind. As the poet, Carl Sandburg said (paraphrasing) “We gave the Chinese bullets, they gave us egg foo yong”, I think the connection is undeniable